Selections from BEKI Bulletin: The Newsletter of Congregation Beth El-Keser Israel

June 1998 - Sivan 5758 VOL 3 Issue 6

In this Issue:

Posener Challenges Congregation on Balanced Budget


Due to unanticipated costs of repair to the synagogue's physical plant, the synagogue is approximately $20,000 short of balancing its 1997-98 operating budget. In order for BEKI to close the fiscal year ending 30 June 1998 without a deficit, each member of the Board of Directors has made an additional contribution to the Enhanced Dues program, and is asking other members to do the same.

BEKI is typical of synagogues in that basic dues cover less than 40% of the synagogue's operating budget. Therefore the Congregation relies on the generosity of its members and supporters to provide for its needs. While the potential budget shortfall is relatively small, representing approximately 7% of the operating budget, the Directors have expressed their intent to honor their fiscal responsibility to insure the continuing financial health of the Congregation.

BEKI member and Director George G. Posener has generously offered to match dollar for dollar up to $10,000 any contributions to the Enhanced Dues program received from April 1 through June 30, 1998. Mr. Posener is a long-time member and financial supporter of BEKI. Mr. Posener was the first recipient of the BEKI Distinguished Service Award, in 1996, and has established two endowed funds to provide for the continuing support of the Congregation.

All contributions to the Enhanced Dues program are tax-deductible to the full extent allowed under law. In lieu of a cash donation, you may donate stock or other securities directly to BEKI, receive a tax deduction and not be required to pay a capital gains tax. For further information about the Enhanced Dues program or donating securities to BEKI, please contact Steven Fraade at (203) 389-2108 or Brian Karsif at (203) 387-9268.

Over 100 join BEKI in 5758 (1997-1998 fiscal year)

The Congregation recognizes and welcomes new members, returning members and their families who have formally affiliated with BEKI during the past year.

Corporate Donors

Corporations and S-corporations paying Connecticut State income tax may be eligible for significant tax credits (in addition to federal and state charitable deductions) for contributions to approved programs at BEKI. Programs include providing Access to the Handicapped; Kulanu for Adults with Developmental Disabilities and Mental Illness; Energy Conservation; Children's Room Improvements; and Beautification of the BEKI Grounds. Programs also include Handicapped Access and Beautification and Maintenance of BEKI Cemeteries.

An individual or corporation can to contribute toward any of these programs even if they are not able to take advantage of the tax credits. If you have a connection to a corporation that might be willing to contribute toward any of these programs, or if you might like to contribute in an individual capacity, please contact Rabbi Tilsen at (203) 389-2108 or Dr. Brian Karsif at 387-9268. In some cases permanent named Endowments are available.




Ethical Counseling in Psychotherapy

When, if ever, should a psychotherapist give a client unsolicited ethical counsel? What if it is clear that the client's unethical behavior is leading to personal pain to themselves or others? Does the therapist have the right to raise ethical issues in the context of therapy? What is the cost and value of doing so? What are the best ways to approach ethical issues in therapy? Mental health professionals are invited to a discussion about these issues in BEKI's Rosenkrantz Library on Sunday 28 June at 9:30a to 10:30a. Participants will share clinical experiences they are facing or have faced in their work to develop a deeper understanding of the role of ethical counseling in psychotherapy. For more information call Marc Schwartz (387-1665) or Rabbi Jon-Jay Tilsen (389-2108 ext. 10).

A Message from Rabbi Tilsen

I Can Do It All By Myself!

"I can do it myself!"

These are the famous last words uttered by the child before pouring milk into the cup that tips and floods the floor. The crying is over the spilling, not the spilt.

Nothing compares to the joyful feeling of satisfaction after learning and mastering a new skill on our own. Self esteem soars as we become "independent" following the completion of some new task.

But that desire to be independent and self-sufficient can have a negative effect by inhibiting us from seeking help. To prevent this potential adverse effect on our health and happiness, we must distinguish between help that is unnecessary, help we need, and help that is just plain helpful.

Help that we need might be the specialized skills of an electrician, dentist or tax advisor. For most of us, there is nothing wrong in recognizing that we personally lack the specialized knowledge or physical strength necessary for certain tasks.

But somehow when it comes to seeking help for conditions such as excessive gambling, substance abuse or domestic discord, many are reluctant to seek help. Admitting to ourselves that we can benefit from help is akin to saying, "there must be something wrong with me if I can't solve this myself." We deny our problem and fail to get help.

"Do I need help? No, I don't need it. Through my own will-power and reading self-help books I can do it myself." Yeah, right.

A confession: I do not floss daily. But I do floss the day before I visit my dentist, and for two or three weeks after. Do I need my dental hygienist's reminder (or reprimand) to motivate me to floss daily? I "know" I could do it without that reminder. The dentist's reminder is "help that is helpful."

When we have difficulty coping because of a loss, or due to some other cause, or seemingly for no apparent reason, there are psychotherapists, social workers, clergy and others who can be especially helpful. Sometimes we just need a sympathetic ear. At other times we can benefit from individual or group therapy. Maybe we don't "need" this help, but it can be helpful to enlist the aid of an experienced professional. Rather than viewing this as a personal weakness, we should know we are doing the right thing to take care of ourselves.

Our Jewish tradition emphasizes our interdependence and connectedness, and Jewish law insists that a person seek whatever help is needed to assure medical and spiritual wellness. The only shame is in not getting help.

Only take good care of yourself, and guard your life diligently....

Deuteronomy 4:9

Dear Rabbi: Answers, Advice and Helpful Household Hints

Dear Rabbi,

The "voice of the turtle" is mentioned in the Bible and other books in the context of love poetry. I've never heard a turtle sing, but it doesn't sound very romantic.

Signed, Turtle Soup

Dear Turtle,

"Turtle" in the Song of Songs refers to a "turtledove," which is a kind of bird which mates for life and makes pleasant sounds.



Dear Rabbi,

After the first line of the Shema, the prayer book instructions say the rest is read silently. Why is this read aloud sometimes at BEKI?

Signed, loud silence

Dear loud,

The note in the prayer book which says "silently" refers only to the one line "barukh shem," "blessed be God's name," which is not actually part of the Shema text but rather is the vestige of the response made by the congregation in the days when the Shema was recited aloud by a reader in public worship. The Shema may be recited either aloud or quietly. When one is reading it quietly (but not silently), one should be able to hear one's own voice but not recite it so loud as to disturb others. Reciting it aloud in unison is also fine. At BEKI it is left to the discretion of the leader of the service.

UHS Teacher Needed

United Hebrew School is in need of a dynamic, enthusiastic Kindergarten teacher for the upcoming school year. Hebrew reading is not essential, but familiarity with some basic Hebrew vocabulary (hello, teacher, mother, father, boy, girl, please, thank you, etc.) is important. Our program incorporates a lot of arts and crafts, along with singing. If you or someone you know is interested, please call the UHS Principal, Terri Stern, at 389-2108 ext. 13.

Paula Hyman's Jewish Women in America available

The two-volume Jewish Women in America: An Historical Encyclopedia, edited by BEKI Board member Paula E. Hyman and Deborah Dash Moore is available at half price, $125.00 (plus $5.95 shipping) from the Women's Center at the Jewish Theological Seminary. The Women's Center ((212) 678-8976) can mail or fax an order form. The Encyclopedia has been awarded the Dartmouth Medal for the best reference work of 1997 by the American Librarians' Association and has recently won a prize as the best research work from the Association of Jewish Libraries.

Advertise in the Bulletin

An advertisement in the BEKI Bulletin (print edition) is a great way to support the Congregation and promote your business. Annual rates are very reasonable. If you are interested in placing an advertisement, please contact Sheila Gardner at 387-1376.

LifeCycle.

HaMaqom Yinahem Etkhem:

We mourn the passing of Jack Rotman father of Darryl Kuperstock



Mazal Tov to

Benot Mitzva in June

Emma Lehrer, daughter of Paulette Lehrer and Alex Lehrer, will lead services on Friday 5 June and be called to the Torah on Shabbat 6 June as a bat mitzva. Emma is a graduate of the United Hebrew School.

Elana Lehrer, daughter of Arnold & Naomi Lehrer, will lead services and be called to the Torah as a bat mitzva on Shabbat 13 June.

For more information call or write to:

Congregation Beth El-Keser Israel
85 Harrison Street at Whalley Avenue
New Haven, CT USA 06515-1724
(203) 389-2108
Fax (203) 389-5899

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Email to Rabbi Jon-Jay Tilsen:  jjtilsen@beki.org